When it comes to getting a pre-nup, many couples choose to use mediators in order to come to an agreement. Divorce Attorney Alla Kurolapnik explains the benefits of using mediators in this situation, and how they can help make the process smoother for all involved.

SPEAKERS

Alla Kurolapnik, Michael Levitis

Alla Kurolapnik  05:46

Thank you. Welcome back, everybody. It’s Michael Levitis with Alla Kurolapnik, Alla is a divorce attorney that does also mediation and is a big, big proponent of mediation process in your divorce. However, Alla, as you told me earlier, you can also use mediators or an attorney that does mediation when you are negotiating your prenup or postnup agreement. Not many people know that. I think it’s a very novel concept that needs further clarification. So Alla, first of all, thank you for your time. Welcome back. And let’s talk about that. If you are considering prenup or postnup, which you should, especially prenup, right? In this day and age…… Why should you employ mediators to negotiate with your future spouse? So there’s two ways to kind of look at it, you can either:  my suggestion is for anyone who’s looking to enter into prenuptial agreement who’s considering marriage. I advise you to use attorneys that are mediation friendly attorneys like myself, it makes all the difference in the world. When it comes to drafting and negotiating an agreement, where you have two attorneys that have the mindset of a mediator. They’re not looking to turn fees, they’re not looking to break apart the contract, they’re not looking to rip someone to shreds. It’s a very different mindset. It’s more of a holistic approach to helping people resolve their problems. So that’s the first thing I would say, if you’re considering marriage, you considering a prenuptial agreement, then definitely employ an attorney that has that has mediation, frankly, if you choose to forego being represented by two separate counsel, and negotiating the terms of the agreement, then I would suggest or recommend a mediator help you reach the terms of an agreement, you’re still going to need the attorneys to kind of review everything and make sure that everything flows and that your rights are protected. I had a very interesting case a couple of years ago, where I represented the woman fiance, and I had another attorney who represented the husband to be fiancee, and we were stuck on this one issue about gifts, and whether or not gifts from third parties should technically be considered marital property or separate property in the event of a divorce. Generally the law is such that if you’re getting a party from a third gift in the present, the gift is to you and to you alone, that is your separate property. If it’s a gift between spouses that’s considered marital property and the value of those assets are considered in the pot when you’re working on equitable distribution and dividing the value of those assets. So this couple was stuck in this one issue and we couldn’t understand for the life of us why it’s so small in the big scheme of what we do and what’s to be included in an agreement, like a prenuptial agreement. It’s such a small thing. I mean, unless it’s you’re dealing with inheritance rights and some sort of big wealth that you’re trying to protect from family. It’s it’s a very small issue and we couldn’t understand why we were stuck on that. So we send the parties out to a mediator, we said: you know what, guys? Why don’t you try a session of mediation, maybe if without the attorneys in the room, you guys will have the floor to yourselves and we’ll create a space for you to be able to discuss this issue An amicable process, right? That’s right. Because as an attorney, you still have to represent your clients right. As mediation friendly and as much of a holistic approach, as you have to helping these families resolve their problems, either before they get married or afterwards. It still if you’re representing a client, you still need to zealously represent your client.

Michael Levitis  10:26

You bring up an excellent point, because when you negotiate a prenup, and you have two attorneys there, it feels like a more adversarial process. Right?  

Alla Kurolapnik  10:43

That’s exactly what I say, you should really consider hiring an attorney that has a mediation mindset. Nobody naturally goes into to prenup works and we’re going to rip this apart, right? Because that’s not what you want to do. That’s not your job. But I have seen a handful of these turn quite contentious and weddings being called off and weddings be put off. The last thing you want to do is break this couple apart.

Michael Levitis  11:15

I just want to add to this, if I may, sometimes attorneys, they like to impress their clients, with their legal knowledge, with their zeal  to represent their clients. They go over with overboard with the process become much more conflict ridden than it should be. Because this is a couple that is getting married, this wedding was spent their whole life together. Sometimes attorneys with their legalese and fighting over nitty gritty, can actually turn the process sour. That’s why your recommendation is great to have a personal attorney is for mediation friendly, and have a mediator in the room without attorney.

Alla Kurolapnik  11:56

Right. So going back to this one, this couple that I had. We send them back to mediation and it turns out, it was such a simple issue, that the gentleman, I guess, he was left with all of his grandmother’s jewelry and he didn’t want to upset the woman by basically saying: look, I’m going to give this to you. But if we get divorced, I kind of want this back because I have no other nobody else in my family is going to have it. So it’s up to me to pass it along. down my bloodline to whoever, my next of kin, I don’t want that memory to be forgotten. It was that simple, something that he couldn’t tell her through us, where we couldn’t figure out that when they went into mediation, it was something that they both explored, and she was so much more appreciative of where the place that it was coming from, that we ended up resolving that issue and finalizing the agreement.

Michael Levitis  13:00

I love hearing those stories, because the stories bring the law to life. You see how what you do actually helps people resolve those issues. Alla, thank you so much. Appreciate your time. In our next video, we’re going to talk about postnuptial agreement, because everybody knows what a prenup is. We all heard about it. We see it in the movies. We see it in the news. But postnuptial is, I think a little bit more rare. So maybe we can talk about why in what circumstances would people want a postnup, its effect on mediation, and how can you convince the other party to sign a postnup once you already married? Everybody, thanks for turning in. Of course, this is just a general legal advice. For your advice that is specific to your situation should definitely call an attorney like Alla Kurolapnik, the phone number and the website is on the bottom of the screen. Thank you. Until next time.