Divorce Attorney Marina Shepelsky lists Top 5 worst excuses for cheating she has heard in her career.

Michael Levitis 00:00

Hi, everybody. We have here with us Marina Shepelsky, a divorce attorney, a participating attorney in Jurisq.com Legal Network. And we bring you different questions on law, our relationships. And Marina is a great source because Marina as a divorce attorney who’s so experienced, has seen it all. She has heard it all. So let me ask you, from your experience, from what you heard, from your clients, from their ex spouses, what are people’s worst excuses on why they cheated?

Marina Shepelsky 00:40

So if you’re like me, you probably love to watch those TV shows, those TV judges who do like divorces and things like that. My personal hero is Judge Judy. Right. And when I was in law school at Fordham and went to Fordham Law School, right. One day, I was in a library looking for some materials. And I came across her book, right. I actually didn’t know she had books because I knew her from TV. I didn’t know that she wrote books, right? So I took her book, and I got so excited. I sat down, I started reading and read on the spot, and I spend like an hour reading her stuff. She used to be a family court judge in New York. And she was really great. And this is how she got to be on TV, because the things that you she used to say are like pearls, they like they become memes, right? They become like phrases that people will repeat over. Definitely. Yeah. And so she’s my like hero, right? Her and judge, Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg, right. So I even have like stuff here around my desk with her stuff. But anyway, basically, the books, the books name is don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. That’s one of her favorite things. So when people talk about their excuses for cheating, that’s the kind of thing that Judge Judy would say, and that’s usually the kind of reaction that I’m gonna have. So I prepared like five today, right? And I’m going to tell you the excuse and then I’m going to tell you my like, comment to it and feel free to chime in to write we want to make it more interesting. Now you and I decided, let’s not just talk about boring court divorces, you come to us you call our office, you there will be plenty of that we will bore you to death with discovery and answers. And you know, all of that, but let’s not talk about that here. So the the five worst excuses for cheating that usually men use but sometimes women too, right? Okay. Okay, number one. It’s my animal instinct. Men are polygamous. It’s in my nature, I cannot control it. Right. So what do you what would you say? Let’s start with your mind, what would you say to this?

Michael Levitis 02:55

I would say that it has some truth to it. Because originally, of course, as animals, I read, for example, that lions at once have four lionesses at once. And every man wants to consider himself a lion. Right? So I can see how that could have some validity.

Marina Shepelsky 03:23

Right? So that’s a that’s a common explanation, but by men, but what I would say to you is that let’s say you’re in a traffic jam, and you really have to go to the bathroom. Do you just go in your car? Or have you learned to control your animal instinct? And actually wait until you get home and use the bathroom? Right? You control yourself and all of us do we learn as we grow up to control our animal instinct, because lions and people are very different we are different species, right? We actually not animal we have. We have that and by the way, I think with lions, the lionesses are considered to be more

powerful, but, and stronger, and they usually take care of everyone, but the Live is still the king. So our men are kings, but they should learn to control their instincts just like you learn to congregate your way until you get to your house or you buy a sandwich or Starbucks. somebody’s walking by you with a slice of pizza you don’t like run up to them grab their pizza and eat it to help them I have an animalistic I’m hungry. You learn to control it. So that is my response. You’re a human being with a brain learn to control it. Okay, so that’s

Michael Levitis 04:47

You put me on the spot now I will put you on the spot. Now. Some would you say then, that you should try to treat your man as if he is your King. And in return you give him undivided loyalty.

Marina Shepelsky 05:05

I actually believe that but without putting all jokes aside, I believe that I believe. And again, you can be a client to agree with me, right? We live in a free country. So I’m entitled to my opinion, I think that a man has a place and a family and so does a woman. I think in a healthy marriage, the man is the king and the woman is the queen. And that woman looks up to the man, because why else? Do you need a husband?

Michael Levitis 05:32

Tandem and they rule their universe tegethere? Nice, right? Okay.

Marina Shepelsky 05:37

And the man is the defender, the woman is the caretaker. Even if sometimes in our society, the women make more money. So what, you know, we still have our DNA, we still have our roles. I’m not one of those people who believes in three genders or more, I still think there’s two genders, you know, doesn’t mean that I don’t think people should have good health coverage and be allowed to be who they are. I’m just saying there’s two genders, you know, you should be in the modern society, but still respect some traditional relation. That should be a perfect mix.

Michael Levitis 06:04

Yeah. Yeah. What is the second worst possible excuse you heard, for cheating.

Marina Shepelsky 06:21

But it was only that one time. It was just the one time. So they say, look, like, you know, 99.99% of the time out of all the days that of all the years, you’re not even married. This one little incident, I slipped, I fell in a cheated, right? It was just the one time forgive me. Right. But so my response to that is more serious than the first one because this is like, something that’s more I would say, like fundamental and less ridiculous, you know, the one time argument is, is valid, you know, you could say that men are more like sexual about cheating. Women always look for a relationship, even when they’re cheating man, and more like into, you know, just we had a whole different segment about it.

Michael Levitis 07:11

Yeah, how men sometimes, and women are different that for a woman could be more emotional cheating, more could be as a revenge, whereas by men, it’s usually more sexual, and you can catch on our other episodes.

Marina Shepelsky 07:30

So the fact that it was a one time, I think that there’s a more fundamental problem there, and that’s probably the demand is feeling unsatisfied, in some ways, maybe not just sexually, you know, and then there are other issues. Otherwise, you know, if they’re happy and satisfied, and like, in their best, you know, in their best living their best lives, as we say, as my kids would say, right? It’s just wouldn’t happen. It’s the same for men and women,

Michael Levitis 07:57

You know, if I may chime in, I believe, also has to do with opportunity. If you know, for example, that you hang out with your friends who are prone to cheat, and you go to spots, like nightclubs, where you could meet somebody for one nightstand, maybe you should. If you’re serious about controlling your urges, and you want your relationship to work, maybe stay away from such places, and such friends. What do you think what I do?

Marina Shepelsky 08:28

Yeah, I mean, our society puts a lot of pressure on men and women, men have their own pressures, right? So it’s become like, a traditional thing that men go on these bachelor parties where they’re expected to get strippers and pokers. Right. I would be very offended if my husband did that. And but it happened.

Michael Levitis 08:50 

strippers

08:52

and animal curse it’s either one or both. First is strippers. And then hookers

Michael Levitis 08:58

If just strippers. Would you be offended or no?

Marina Shepelsky 09:02

No, me personally, no. No strippers now. Um, but, you know, a sexual act is cheating no matter how you turn, right. So, you know, if a part of your spouse’s body wasn’t somebody else, that’s cheating this way. Right. And we talked about another issue relates to this in our prior show, too, that emotional affairs to me personally, I’m much worse, because that means there’s another relationship there. And the one time bachelor party is not that, you know, yes. It’s like a one time thing that we’re at a party. It’s a one time in a lifetime last time. barog is a marriage. But you know, I always tell my women clients and my women friends too, that like, Look, you have to let him go and don’t think about it. Don’t text him. Don’t like try to be up on him. Because it just means you don’t trust him. And the more you push and the more you like Joe was the morning almost like, I don’t know how to say but you almost like sabotage them into doing that, you know, into cheating. I think that it should be like, more relaxed

shouldn’t be live on your house. No, you’re having a bachelor party you better not have and I know people who do that like they don’t text him every five minutes. Well him and be like tracking your location. Oh, the worst thing that couple couples do that really makes me uncomfortable when I see people do is they track each other’s locations on their phones. Yeah, I’m offended by that I never would let my husband track me on my phone. Because I don’t want him to know where I’m going. He always knows where I’m going. But I think it’s a fundamental problem. If you were grown ups, were not little kids, you track your kids because you want to know they’re not getting drunk somewhere or getting high, right? If you have to track your spouse and adults, then there’s no trust, then why are you with

Michael Levitis 10:59

Marina, you know what? There’s even the worst party pooper. We’re talking about party poopers texting each other on the doing a bachelor party. I have an incident locally where we were having a bachelor party and shippers were ordered for the party. And somebody’s wife showed up as a stripper. And the guy was there the party. Let’s just say that was a real party pooper.

Marina Shepelsky 11:32

And now that’s a real disappointment for the other guests.

Michael Levitis 11:37

But who was not disappointed at divorce attorney because that’s where it went afterwards. Okay, what is another excuse that you have heard about cheating?

Marina Shepelsky 11:51

I was trying to be a good friend to her or to him was that means that your spouse is the opposite of what for example, he works as in finance, right? Your husband works in finance, people in business and finance. They always have group projects, Group team, you know, teams groups, they always working with women and men. I’m you know, corporate mergers and you know, things like that, right. So they probably have a partner at work. Sometimes your husband could be a police officer, maybe he’s got a female partner, they have a partner or a woman, and they become friends and become really good friends. And then all of a sudden, she broke up with her boyfriend, she was crying. She’s getting divorced. And somehow they ended up in a hotel together. That’s trying to be a good friend. He was trying to help her. He was trying to show her that. You know, there’s still men out there who would love her and find her attractive What a treat Holy crap. But he forgot if he’s mad. So, again, a fundamental problem that your man your husband has another favorite person other than

Michael Levitis 13:12 

that excuse, right? Yep.

Marina Shepelsky 13:19

And that’s a difficult situation to deal with. Because they work with someone they didn’t necessarily pick that person to be partners with, you know, it just so happened, that they had to work together. What do you do? And if they did cheat, what do you do with their job and this is really complex, and at that point, you definitely need a lawyer.

Michael Levitis 13:41

And this is why we talked about lines and even for today’s world, for sexual harassment purposes, you should not associate with your co worker in a manner which was could lead to something improper where you could have done something properly guided very careful and always act and talk very professionally. Okay. Many of those five excuses were really eye openers for me and I’m sure for our listeners for our viewers. And of course, the next step is if somebody is cheating and is not reforming, then unless you are put up with it. Next step is you consult an attorney and you consult Marina, we have the phone number on the bottom of the screen. And yeah, this was, I would say one of our best segments very interesting. And we’re gonna keep at it. We’ll bring you more and more

Marina Shepelsky 14:45

I can talk about this more next time if you guys are interested writer in the comments below than just the message if you want to hear more excuses, and more reactions from Michael and I these excuses and we’ll do more legal stuff. All right, we’ll talk about Yeah, we’re gonna lawyer stuff but we’re gonna

Michael Levitis 15:05

bring human stories. And we’re gonna bring in psychology lessons. And we’re gonna make it very, very interesting. Marina. Thank you so much. Thank you everybody for listening for more tuning in. Until next time, have a great day. Bye bye.